Communicate, Communicate, Communicate...

But do it well...do it honestly...and allow for the inevitable misunderstandings.

This I learned (or relearned, as I will forever continue to), a few days ago when I had the opportunity to attend a meeting of our local ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) group. The group met in a room at the offices of the midwives I referred to in my last (and much too distant) post. I had the opportunity to spend time with one of the midwives.

My friend C. was with me. Ever the diplomat, C., after the meeting was over and we had a few moments to gab after the meeting ended, was able to gently approach the topic with the midwife. Interestingly enough, the news was just that...news to them. Even more "interesting" was her comment that the physician who they had been collaborating with was continuing to do so, long after the partners had decided that they no longer supported the collaboration.

So what is the solution? I'm not sure there is one that will make everyone happy. I'm more than a little frustrated that the collaborating physician doesn't seem to be more up front with his partners...a little passive aggressive perhaps? Who knows? Not an unheard of trait in the All-American-Male. The midwife feels that she and her partners have been as diplomatic as possible when transferring care...and I believe her...I've trusted her judgement and skills for years, and nothing has changed that for me; but a mother in labor and her family are not always in the most reasonable state of mind during a transfer...they don't always hear what is being said..and they are not always able to respond completely rationally...labor takes us out of the corporeal world and places us somewhere between earthly ground and some other plane; and perhaps that is where the misunderstandings began to originate...again, who knows?.

What I do know is this; that there are so many underlying prejudices, memories of past experiences, and motivations that lead us to understand or respond to a situation in whatever way we do, that trying to predict how any particular exchange of communication is going to turn out is, well, unpredictable. The only thing we can do is try very, very hard to listen when someone is speaking to us, and not let our own agenda ("I must have a vaginal [natural, unmedicated, monitor-free, {whatever}] birth", or, "If they wear scrubs, I'm not sure I can trust them") get in the way of what is being said. On the other hand, we can't let it (that agenda...and we all have one, to some extent) color what we are saying ("This is my decision, I'll do/say what I think is appropriate" - [despite the fact that life doesn't always cooperate with our plans]).

Do I think that this is what ultimately conspired? To some extent, yes; to just how much of an extent I can't know...I wasn't there, and I don't know all of the participants well. I'm glad though, that because of C.'s amazingly effective way of getting her point across without triggering the defenses of the person she is speaking to, that the midwives, their clients, and the physician in question just might be a little closer to forming a collaboration that can continue.

I know I said this once before...but, I can hope, can't I?