STAY TUNED.....

I've had the misfortune of experiencing the evolution of a simple upper respiratory infection into a major exacerbation of long asyptomatic asthma. As such, I've had little time or energy for much more than multiple physician's visits interspersed with frustrated, boring days at home with the occasional tentative (and frequently abortive, due to shortness of breath and a general inability to tolerate much in the way of activity) foray to the grocery store or the bookstore.

And so, the blog has suffered my absence.

My husband though, I think has suffered the most, bless his heart. He, in addition to running his own small consulting firm, has been keeping up with (well, as much as any non-homemaker can) the housework, laundry and cooking, dealing with the misadventures of raising two impetuous, impertinent, impulsive, sometimes rebellious, usually know-it-all, but always endearing and beloved teenage boys, and a wife who is one minute crabby and whiny, and the next remorseful and grateful. God bless that man!

I miss work. I haven't been there for nearly two months! After multiple trips to my family physician and pulmonologist, one trip to the ER (I tried to go back to work...wasn't gonna happen, my body immediately let me know), and even one trip to an urgent care center two days before Memorial day (sure...let's just add double otitis media to the mix...I can handle it...not), I found myself in the care of an amazing Nurse Practitioner who works in my pulmonologist's office. What a stroke of luck! My appointment with this wonderful woman came only after multiple phone calls trying to get another appointment with the pulmonologist ("No, July 25th will not work, I'm consistently satting 90 percent at rest, I've got to be able to get well enough to get back to work, and I can't wait two months to find a way to get this fixed!".) Finally I called my case manager in a weight loss-program I am now involved in and told her my plight...I was afraid to exercise unsupervised until I got this respiratory thing under control, but I couldn't get an appointment to get the advice of my physician. She, bless her, brought up the idea of pulmonary rehab. Really? Did I really need something that drastic?

Turns out I did. I made one call to the coordinator of the pulmonary rehab department, who promptly got me an appointment with the NP. That wonderful woman (the NP, although the director of the rehab department is wonderful as well) did more for me in one 30 minute appointment than the ER, and three physicians had done in six weeks! In the past week I've undergone a slew of pulmonary tests, I've been x-rayed and CT scanned, scheduled for allergy testing and a sleep study, been exercise tested (managed to gasp my way through), and admitted to the pulmonary rehab program.

All indications are that I should be able to return to work with in a month's time, probably part-time first, gradually increasing back to full time.

I knew being an L&D nurse was a big part of my identity, but this experience has really pushed home just how true that is. Maybe that's not a good thing. Maybe I need to get moving on some of those "transitions" I talked about when I began this blog. I've certainly had time to think about them enough.

It's also hard to "watch" via Facebook, my friends working their backsides off, knowing that my absence is contributing to a lack of staff during the busiest time of year on our unit. When coming off of a shift, they will comment to each other how busy things, are, how tired they are, and here I sit...in front of the computer, inhaler at my side, just wanting to be there to lighten their load a little. I love my family. They are my first priority; but I get a lot out of my job (in addition to the frustrations), and I respect the work that my coworkers do.

C'est La Vie. What is, is. For now, I'm slowly improving, looking forward to getting stronger and learning more about how to control this disease through rehab, and I've even managed to start losing some of this extra weight ( "...the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step..."). With my husband's help, and my "expert" directions, I'm starting to get caught up on all the long-neglected organizational tasks that I've put off in favor of sleep when I wasn't working, and I'm hoping that will clear a path to beginning some of those "transitions" (I'm the kind of person that needs to be organized in order to have a mind clear enough to concentrate effectively...at least at home...at work, I've learned to with the flow...the crazy, ridiculous flow...it's called survival!). Truth be known, I think this has been coming for some time. I wasn't taking care of myself well enough. The last few weeks at work I could barely make it to the car, so exhausted would I be at the end of a shift. My body finally revolted and forced me to take a good long look at how I've been not caring for it, and here I am; but I think (hope, pray) that I've dodged a few serious bullets in the past few weeks, and am now on the road to a full recovery, with a wiser appreciation of just how important it is to not let myself get run down.

In the meantime, the writing bug is hitting me again (a person can only knit so many preemie outfits and blankets, watch so much TV, read so many books, or vegitate on the internet...did I mention I'm spending money I don't have on things I don't need on EBAY?...for so long), and just in the nick of time I got a (coincidence...I think not) response to my last post that gave me the idea for my next one.

Stay tuned!